lunes, 30 de junio de 2008

A lo mojinos




- Hermanos
-¡¿Qué?!
-Dejad las latas de cerveza en el suelo y escuchadme que es importante lo que os voy ha decir. Seguro que no nos han llamado para hacer el famoso anuncio con la mala fama y la mala imagen que tenemos. ¿A como si?
-¡Si!
-Por eso vamos a demostrarle al mundo entero que lo mojinos escozios no somos tan chungos como parecemos. ¿A como no?
-¡No!
-Y vamos a demostrarselo cantando que es como mejor sabemos. Aun que mas de uno estara pensando "pues si lo mejor que sabeis es cantar, ¿que será lo peor?", por eso catar conmigo ¡AY!

Amareis a Dios sobre todas las cosas.
-Nosotros lo amaremos.
-Amareis a vustro padre y a vuestra madre.
-Nosotros los amaremos.
-No deseareis a la mujer del prójimo.
-Nosotros la amaremos.
-He dicho que no la deseareis.
-Po vale, po venga, po bueno.
-¡Gritemos un aleluya por el Papa!
-¡Aleluya!
-¡Gritemos otro aleluya por el abichuelas!
-¡Aleluya!
-¡Y gritemos otro aleluya por las papas con abichuelas!
-¡Aleluya!

-No pecareis.
-No pecaremos.
-No cometeréis adulterio.
-No adulteiaremos.
-No robaréis.
-Si lo hacemos lo devolveremos.
-No diréis palabrotas.
-Po vale, po venga, po bueno.
-¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?
-Queremos ser, queremos ser, burbujitas del anuncio de Freixanet.

-Hermanos, podéis aprobechar la pausa musical para echar dinero en el cepillo que vamos a restaurar la imagen del Santo. Le vamos a hacer una liposucción y le vamos a poner los labios de silicona, ole.

No os emborracharéis.
-No nos emborracharemos.
-Si os pegan pondréis la otra mejilla.
-Eso ya lo veremos.
-No os peleareis.
-Nos la pelaremos.
-He dicho que no os pelearéis.
-Po vale, po venga, po bueno.
-¿Por qué? ¿Por qué?
-Queremos ser, queremos ser, burbujitas del anuncio de Freixanet.

-Total que aquella noche los mojinos decidimos tomar una copilla despues del concierto para no variar, para no perder la costumbre más que nada. Lo malo fue, que el único garito que había abierto a esa hora tenía un gorila en la puerta que no nos iba a dejar entrar. Ese tio parecía que estaba subido a una silla de lo grande que era, y no nos dejó ni narle las buenas noches al hijo de su madre cuando nos dijo: "Aquí con zapatillas no se puede entrar, el otro día vino el del Canto del Loco y como traia zapatillas no le dejé entrar".

Entonces, hicimos lo que unos hombres ofendidos y enfadados hacen a las cuatro y media de la mañana cuando quieren tomarse un cubata, ponernos de rodillas y suplicarle: "¡Dejanos entrar, por favor, dejanos entrar!" Y es que las cosas cuando se piden por favor... Pues claro que entramos, como no vamos a entrar... ¡Viva los guardias de seguridad de las puertas de las discotecas, ¡ole!

Una vez dentro, el resto del grupo se fue para la barra pa pedir una copa aunque yo me quedé hipnotizado nada más que vi lo que vi, ¿y que fue lo que vi? una churri apoyada en una columna sola como la una aunque era tan alta como la una y cuarto... ¡Qué digo yo! Era como la una y veinte por lo menos... Y que dos piernas de monaguillo, tenía unas piernas tan largas que le llegaban al suelo. Un compás parecia la tía aquella con aquellas dos piernas... ¡Uy, jojo, qué arte, un compás! ¡Seguro que el novio estaba meando! Por que ese especimen de hembra humana o era para tenerla para tenerla por novia o era para casarse con ella en la iglesia en lo alto de un altar.

¡Qué pedazo de tía! Era como superman pero en tía buena, era super tía buena. Aunque cuando me acerqué mis colegas me empezaron a cantar con todo el cachondeo del mundo.

-¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que eso no es una mujer! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, ¿no ves que tiene nuez?! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que tiene muy grandes los pies! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, No te agaches que te va a romper!

-Me puse tan cerca de ella que podía oler el aroma del suavizante con el que lavaba las braguitas que llevaba puestas "¿Qué pasa guapa? ¿Estudias o trabajas? ¿Qué hace una chica como tu en un lugar como este? ¿Tienes fuego? ¿Tienes hora? ¿Tienes novio? ¿Y quién es él? ¿En que lugar se enamoró de ti? ¿A qué dedica el tiempo libre? ¡Perdoname guapetona, por es que no sé que decirle a una obra de arte como tu, es que no estoy acostumbrado a hablar con los monumentos! ¿Cómo te llamas?" A lo que ella me contestó: "¡Qué gracioso eres ricitos! Me llamo Manoli".

Y entonces fue cuando mis colegas partiendose nuevamente el culo me empezaron a cantar con todo el mamoneo del mundo...

-Manoli, Manoli, Manoli, Manoli, Manoli, ella se llamaba Manoli.

-"Manoli, que nombre más bonito" Me había enamorado como un quinceañero y no me estaba dando cuenta de lo que me estaba pasando. Por que es verdad eso que dicen de que el amor es ciego. Aunque menos mal que el amor no es sordo, porque nada mas que esa mujer me dijo al oido que había estado haciendo la mili en la legión, que usaba calzoncillos de nylón y que se afeitaba con maquinilla de cinco hojas de lo dura que tenía la barba, me desenamoré. Se me rompió el amor de tanto usarlo, menos mal que se me atascó la cerradura del armario en el momento en el que estaba a puntito de salir y por eso le dije al resto del grupo: "Pues mira hombre, vamos a sacarle una canción a esta anecdota para inmortalizarla, vamos a hacerle un homenaje a esa hembra que no era tan hembra".

-¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que eso no es una mujer! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, ¿no ves que tiene nuez?! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que tiene muy grandes los pies! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, No te agaches que te va a romper!

¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que eso no es una mujer! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, seguro que la tienes más chica que él! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que te van a ver los de Freixanet! ¡Ten cuidado Miguel, que para el anuncio no te van a cojer!

Queremos ser, queremos ser, burbujitas del anuncio de Freixanet.

33 comentarios:

without-unplugged dijo...

jajaja...espera qu edel ataque de risa no puedo escribir...jajaja...es que me parto!!!!

Ui...que bien me ha ido reirme a carcajada limpia!!! se queda una tan a gusto!!!

Por cierto, acabo de descubrir este espacio...tarde, mañana hay que madrugar, pero prometo pasar otra vez y estarme un ratillo mas largo leyendo TODO!!!

Bueeeno, vaaale...tambien te incluiré en mis blogs pa que otros te lean!!

Saludos!

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